Here is an idea that I have developed for people to help build their confidence when in a conversation and give them a mental framework to further improve their conversations.

 Generally, when you enter into a conversation with someone both you and the other personal have your own agendas. The person who usually controls the conversation is the person who will generally fulfill their agenda first.

Here at Rapport Key I like to help my readers by giving them another way at viewing how to hold their conversations.

Think like the smart Chauffer

What I recommend you do is the following. View your conversation as a limousine and picture that you are the chauffer or driver of the conversational limo. The passenger thinks they are in control because they tell you where they want to go but technically you are the one behind the wheel. If they want to go right but you want to go left there is nothing stopping you from turning left except for losing that person as a client. Same goes for a conversation, if you go left when they want you to go right your conversation will suffer and you will miss out on that date, sale, or potential promotion.

So I recommend being the smart chauffer and if they want to go right and you want to go left make that right run first and once they are comfortable in the back seat find the U- turn to get back on your track or in our case, your conversational agenda.

You have to realize that by allowing them to feel that they are in control of the conversation it will be much easier for you to get what you want later on.

This type of mentality works well with people who have over inflated egos, alpha males, and napoleon complexes. These types of people can sometimes be the gatekeepers for you, preventing you from getting what you want. 

Let them feel like they are in control of the conversation and you increase the chances of getting what you want drastically. So if the alpha male wants to be in control let them think they are but always know that you are behind the wheel.

Here are some examples of what I am talking about:

1)      Let’s say tables are turned and someone is trying to sell you. You are behind the break pedal so slow down the conversation. Know what you are in control of. Don’t let them ask you leading questions. Slow them down by asking them questions you want to know the answers to about what they are selling.

2)      If you are trying to make the sale. Ask them questions that allow the conversation to be in their control so they can do the talking which allows them to feel that they are in control when in all actuality you’re the one driving. The answers they provide will allow them to feel that they are controlling the conversation but what is really happening is that they are just providing you more information that you can use to eventually close them.

3)      If you get into a negotiation no matter how big or small, let the other person or party feel that they are in control by asking them what they want in the negotiation before doing anything. I don’t care what you want because once you know what they want you can manipulate concessions to make them feel like they won the negotiation. See Roger Dawson for more of this.

4)      Lastly, another great example of this is if you are dealing with someone who is heated about something. For instance, if someone wants to get their money back for a product or service you provided you might want to do the following… first listen to what they are saying. Second, agree with whatever they are saying. Third, allow them to state what they want. Once you know what they want this is when you take control of the conversation by offering other concessions.

Basically, being the conversational chauffer means that you always know which direction you want to drive your conversation. You do this by allowing the other person to feel that they are in control to ultimately get what you want to fulfill your agenda.